I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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