Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
