oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
