Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
