you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
NoShamevember. You game?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
