im holly from the hills drunk
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
