Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
