I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
