Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
