she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
