Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
