Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
