Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
