She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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