I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I party with great urgency now.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
