My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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