It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
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Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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