So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize