We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
