$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
