babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
