two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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