The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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