so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
