Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
