smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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