Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
did i just pee glitter
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
