Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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