I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
