I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
