I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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