My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I have fence marks all over my body
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
