the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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