dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
