hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
