I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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