The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
