so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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