3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Randomize
