Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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