I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize