I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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