I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Two words: blizzard sex
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
