if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i think i just lost a toe
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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