Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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