I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
