I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
