it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
