If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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