If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
