so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
MIDGETS
????
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
