her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
MIDGETS
????
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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