I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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