I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
