Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
