new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
