A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
