things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
