big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
