I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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