The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
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We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
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Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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