Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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