I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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