You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
