I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
