thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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