I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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