even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
