I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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