is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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