Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.