Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

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  (908): Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles. (908): Fuck I'm high. http://tfl.nu/titc
  Replies (56) Good night (1710) Bad night (3399)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.

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  (613): ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money. http://tfl.nu/in19
  Replies (33) Good night (5876) Bad night (1220)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking

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  (603): i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking http://tfl.nu/kntc
  Replies (17) Good night (5323) Bad night (866)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.

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  (518): Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea. http://tfl.nu/ytsg
  Replies (3) Good night (2549) Bad night (617)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me

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  (651): I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me http://tfl.nu/y5sm
  Replies (7) Good night (1243) Bad night (1555)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.

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  (586): My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage. http://tfl.nu/u2i7
  Replies (5) Good night (2546) Bad night (535)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I respect the size of her balls.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.

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  (303): I respect the size of her balls. (1-303): Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else. http://tfl.nu/t5xu
  Replies (15) Good night (777) Bad night (756)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?

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  (319): I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg? http://tfl.nu/atqw
  Replies (5) Good night (827) Bad night (397)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.

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  (509): I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin. http://tfl.nu/0dob
  Replies (11) Good night (1137) Bad night (594)
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  (310): View more from California

  At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.

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  (310): At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping. http://tfl.nu/qkke
  Replies (7) Good night (764) Bad night (726)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.

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  (915): I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers. http://tfl.nu/kpt3
  Replies (1) Good night (416) Bad night (302)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me

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  (412): I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me http://tfl.nu/nb8z
  Replies (1) Good night (224) Bad night (360)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.

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  (502): So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted. http://tfl.nu/vsby
  Replies (3) Good night (931) Bad night (267)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  the girl whose rug I peed on is here

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  (205): the girl whose rug I peed on is here http://tfl.nu/6wyj
  Replies (4) Good night (195) Bad night (386)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.

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  (512): So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/0h6g
  Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (116)

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