I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
