You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
