my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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