I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.