Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
