Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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