This girl is more easily done than said...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
