Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Define "chronic" masturbator.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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