my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
