i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
