Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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