Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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