oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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