Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
