Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
