Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
