I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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