u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
