I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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